Weighed Down

I've been pretty silent on the blog for the past several months, primarily due to how busy I've been at work and with my other commitments. I've been particularly tired when I get home in the evening, and that's prevented me from becoming inspired enough to pop open the laptop and type up events from my day or opinions on current events. I feel no desire to fill this space with prattle. There are a few of you out there who read this, and I hate to disappoint.

It occurred to me recently that a big part of my fatigue has come from the fact that I haven't been treating myself very well for the past few months. I've put on a little weight (not much, less than 10 pounds) and I haven't been going to the gym nearly enough. This is a path I've traveled down before. I know I need to turn around, because I don't like the destination.

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the liturgical season of Lent. As Lent is a time of preparation, I'm going to use this time to prepare myself for living the remainder of my life as a healthier, more active person. I've already gone a long ways towards that goal -- I've lost in excess of 90 pounds in the past two years. I still have 40 pounds to go before I reach my goal, and it's been hard to push myself towards getting that last bit of weight off.

As part of my usual Lenten disciplines of abstaining from meat and alcohol and fasting once a week, I've added two more disciplines. The first is that I'm giving up watching all broadcast television. Since I don't have cable, this means pretty much all TV. I will still allow myself to watch DVDs. I will not allow myself to watch episodes of currently airing programs on the internet; that feels like cheating to me. I am also exercising my right not to observe this Lenten discipline on Sunday so that I can watch the Oscars. (Sundays are feast days and as such do not require adherence to Lenten fasts. Don't believe me? Look it up.)

The second part - and the part which involves you, dear reader - is that I am committing myself to losing weight during the season of Lent. Not eating meat or drinking alcohol will certainly help. However, I feel I also need a little culpability. That's where you come in. I am hereby committing myself to updating this blog at least once a week with information on my weight loss. Starting Friday I will post a graph charting my weight. Each week I'll post an updated chart so everyone can see how my weight is trending. Because I believe in a certain level of mystery I won't publish my actual weight. The important thing is that the trendline moves downward over successive weeks, not the actual values that the trendline represents.

I am also going to start writing a series of blog entries chronicling my weight loss for the past two years. If others enjoy reading this, or are even inspired to pursue weight loss or other personal improvements because of it, then I will be immensely flattered and grateful. That being said, I am primarily doing this for myself. I want to show myself how far I've come in this time, and to remind myself why I never want to go back to the physical form I had. It has been hard for me to appreciate how different I look now than I did when I started this trek in spring of 2005. I think this is a common problem amongst people who have poor body image, and I certainly count myself among that group. I'm pretty sure that even if my body were model perfect then I'd only focus on whatever imperfections, no matter how small, I could find. As part of my blog entries I'm going to publish some pictures of myself that have been taken over the past three years. Even I find the difference striking.

I wish everyone a blessed Lenten season in anticipation of the glory of Easter. Until then, I'll see you in cyberspace!