While living in Nashville, a city of approximately half a million people, I discovered an unpleasant fact. A disconcertingly large number of gay men in Nashville know each other, often because they had at one time dated each other. This pseudo-incestuous existence was made all the more unsettling by the relative paucity of available, decent gay men that I found in Nashville. Thus it seemed that by dating any gay man in Nashville, you were in effect dating every gay man in Nashville.
I attributed this humongous circle-jerk to the fact that Nashville was a fairly conservative city, and many gay men were not comfortable being "out." This meant that many gay men existed in a subculture, meeting other men almost exclusively at bars and online. Many gay men did not -- or could not -- reveal their orientation to their colleagues and families. Finding someone to date in this sea of dysfunction was quite challenging. One rarely had the luxury of quibbling over minor details such as, "Have you dated any of my ex-boyfriends?"
Chicago is a beacon of liberalism compared to Nashville. Although I'm sure there are many gay men in this city who must live in the closet, most of the gay men I've met are out and proud, unconcerned with who knows the true nature of their relationships with boyfriends and partners. Plus Chicago is home to nearly 3 million people, nearly six times as big as Nashville. Surely, I figured, the overall larger population of gay men in this city, coupled with the relative openness of the city towards gay people, would mean that I no longer had to worry about everyone I dated knowing or having dated each other.
Oh, how wrong and naïve I was.
I found out last night that Matt, the man I'm dating, knows the last guy I went out with. I've dated all of three men in this city, literally making the odds that any two know each other a million-to-one. Oh, to have this kind of luck with the Illinois Lottery!
Last night's unsettling realization is not too terribly upsetting -- Matt was a little put off that I had dated this person, but greatly reassured by my entirely truthful assertions that Matt is in every regard superior to the other guy. Yet again, this other guy continues to live up to the appelation by which I often refer to him.
That would be "Dodged Bullet."
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2 comments:
Wow, I never realized that about Nashville, I guess because I've never dated anyone in Nashville :)
But you know what is funny? I was searching for gay blogs in Nashville, came across this post, and of all people, it's YOU! And I know YOU!
So... I guess the gay Nashville scene is pretty small afterall, even if you've since moved away to Chicago :D
Further proof of my thesis, indeed. We may have to compare notes about boys in Raleigh, however . . . ;)
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