Tales of Public Transit

An organization called AutoVantage recently released a report listing the cities with the rudest and nicest drivers in the United States. They listed Nashville as having among the nicest drivers in the country, which tells me that this survey is completely inaccurate. Having lived in Nashville for 8 years, I learned that Nashvillians are among the nicest people you can meet on the sidewalks, but among the most ornery people you could run into on the highways and byways.

Since I don't drive much nowadays, instead taking public transit, I don't have to deal with rude drivers as often as I did in Nashville. However, public transit has its share of rudeness, and I've experienced or heard about three particular tales of rudeness just this week.

On Monday I got on board the #55 bus to get from the Garfield train station to the UofC. As the bus was a bit crowded, I made my way to the back and found a seat on the bench along the back wall of the bus. I was reading my paper, trying to ignore all around me as is the norm on the bus and train.

I heard a voice say, "250." I ignored this voice, because, well, I'm on the bus and I don't engage the crazies. Unfortunately, I was jarred by someone kicking my foot. I looked up to see an unkempt middle-aged man looking at me. He said to me, "What are you, about 250?" I assume he was referring to my weight. I looked back at him and said, "That's really none of your goddamned business," and returned to my paper, trying not to look as flustered as I was. Perhaps I should have retorted, "What are you, about 75, 76? Oh, I'm trying to guess your IQ." My friend Joel says I should have said "No, around the world is $50 and a blow job is $25, just like downtown." However, had this man then produced either $25 or $50 I would have been forced to use the closest emergency exit and hurl myself out of the moving bus. I think it was easier just to sit there and ignore him.

My friend Joel was accosted by a Jesus freak in New York. A guy sat across from him on the 7 train and seemed to be checking him out. Intrigued, Joel made brief eye contact and thought he was initiating some harmless flirting. When the train cleared out a bit, this guy sat down next to Joel and said, "By the way you were looking at me, I'm afraid you haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior, and I'm worried about your mortal soul." When J.F. asked Joel if he talked to God everyday, Joel's response was typically priceless: "Yes, I do, and He asked me to tell you to stop calling Him, because he just doesn't think it's going to work out between the two of you. Now I suggest you get up and get the Hell away from me."

Not 20 minutes after hearing this story, I was sitting on a Red Line train heading south to my apartment from Lakeview. Just south of the Washington St. station, a dude was asking passengers if they had three singles for $3.00 in change. Two girls on the train decided first to give the guy the third degree about his motivation for asking for singles. Then they decided to accost him, asking if he had any heroin or crack.

Wow, people. What's the deal? Let's just all try and get along, shall we? You people are giving public transit a bad name. And that's quite a feat.