Cruelty and Corruption

The proud have derided me cruelly,
but I have not turned from your law.
-Psalm 119:51

This is part of today's Bible reading from the Morning Prayer service of the Daily Office. I admit, I don't often observe the Daily Office, but during Lent I do try to explore ways of adding worship time to my daily life and will sometimes participate in morning or noonday prayer. Today, though, I sought out the daily office because of something I observed on the way to work this morning.

Every morning I take the Red Line train to get from my apartment in Chinatown to the University of Chicago campus. This morning as I was exiting the train at the Garfield station, I noticed two little girls sitting to the right of the door. They were sitting on their knees, facing towards the front of the train so they could see the passing scenery once the train started traveling along its tracks again. As I was stepping onto the platform I noticed that there was a message written on the back of the coat one of the little girls was wearing.

It said, "Sky is dirty."

I didn't really process this message until I was completely off of the train and walking on the platform towards the escalator. It occurred to me that these words were probably written on the coat by another child, a cruel insult to the girl who would be forced to wear this badge of shame every cold day. I can only assume that her parents were unable to launder the message from the coat, and I imagine that the reason she continues to wear this garment is because another winter coat probably isn't something she owns or her family can afford.

I realize I'm making a lot of assumptions here, and I could have misread the entire situation. Nonetheless this whole episode made me start thinking about cruelty. As I pondered cruelty, especially the cruelty of children, I winced to remember acts of cruelty that were perpetrated against me when I was a child, and of things I did and said that were intended to hurt or shame others.

I wondered what - if anything - the readings for the Daily Office might have to say about cruelty, and was intrigued to find the passage from the 119th psalm among the readings for today's morning prayer service. In the psalm the petitioner expresses how joyous it is to follow God's law, even though in doing so he must endure cruelty from those around him. The psalm eventually describes the value of God's law and how trusting in that law will deliver the petitioner into salvation through the Lord.

The recent municipal elections in Chicago, in which Mayor Daley won a sixth term, also got me thinking about cruelty, not to mention trusting in the law. Our mayor won re-election handily, despite the widespread (and, likely accurate) perception that he and his administration are corrupt. It doesn't matter, people have told me, if his administration is corrupt because the city is a cleaner, better place to live in than it was when he first came into office.

If corruption is the price we pay for a nicer city, is that not a price too dear? Someone even told me today with nary a hint of irony that the mayor may be corrupt, but he is fair. To me, that sounds like a convenient bit of double-speak that serves to salve one's conscience. If corruption is what keeps the city functioning, doesn't that require that someone is getting the raw end of the deal? And shouldn't we be concerned about them?

There is a phrase in the confession of sin we recite each week at church where we ask to be forgiven for the sins committed on our behalf. Living better through corruption is a sin committed by others on our behalf, and thus we are culpable for it. We would do well to remember that.

But we may be too cruel even to care.

Oscars Results

POST-OSCARS UPDATE:
I have to give some love to my Fug Girls - they have outdone themselves this year by live-blogging the Academy Awards telecast. Part of me wishes I'd known about this ahead of time so I could have followed their antics last night. The more rational part of me - I call him Walter - realizes that seeing it after-the-fact is better because (1) it's a nice recap of the night's events and (2) laughing uncontrollably to the point of apnea is not something you want to do in a room full of people, many of whom you've only just met.

---

Following an inauspicious start, I wound up placing third in the Oscars poll at the party last night! I correctly predicted winners in 13 categories. Here's a tally of my results:

CORRECT:
ACTOR - LEADING: Forest Whitaker
ACTRESS - LEADING: Helen Mirren
ACTRESS - SUPPORTING: Jennifer Hudson
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Pan's Labyrinth
COSTUME DESIGN: Marie Antoinette
DIRECTING: The Departed
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: An Inconvenient Truth
ORIGINAL SONG: "I Need to Wake Up" from An Inconvenient Truth
BEST PICTURE: The Departed
SHORT FILM - LIVE ACTION: West Bank Story
SOUND EDITING: Letters from Iwo Jima
VISUAL EFFECTS: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
SCREENPLAY - ORIGINAL: Little Miss Sunshine

INCORRECT (WINNERS IN PARENTHESES):
ACTOR - SUPPORTING: Eddie Murphy (Alan Arkin - fantasy pick)
ANIMATED FEATURE: Monster House (Happy Feet)
ART DIRECTION: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Pan's Labyrinth)
FILM EDITING: Blood Diamond (The Departed)
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Pan's Labyrinth (The Lives of Others)
MAKEUP: Apocalypto (Pan's Labyrinth)
ORIGINAL SCORE: The Queen (Babel - fantasy pick)
SHORT FILM - ANIMATED: The Little Matchgirl (The Danish Poet)
SOUND MIXING: Flags of Our Fathers (Dreamgirls)
SCREENPLAY - ADAPTED: Notes on a Scandal (The Departed)

I think two that put me over the top (well, the top of the third tier, that is) are Original Song and Short Film - Live Action. I think only two of us predicted that Melissa would win Oscar, and I may have been the only one in our group to pick West Bank Story, which I did simply on a whim because of its similarity to the musical (and film) West Side Story. Ironically, it turns out this short film is exactly what I jokingly thought it would be, a spoof on the musical based in the West Bank of Israel, with Jews and Palestinians replacing the Greasers and the Puerto Ricans. I kinda think I wanna see it now . . .

I will be adding The Departed to my Netflix queue, as promised. In addition to being impressed by how many awards it won, most of the people in attendance last night had seen this film and were very complimentary towards it.

Best moment of the night? When Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas came on-stage to present the Best Director Oscar to Martin Scorsese. In case you missed it, Francis and Steven mused that they were asked to present this award because all three of them had won in this category previously. George Lucas protested that, indeed, he has never won this particular honor. I loudly stated to the television, "There's a reason you haven't won, George," a comment greeted widely with approval from others in the room with me. I felt very vindicated (I think George Lucas is wildly overrated.)

Worst moment of the night? When Celine Dion started singing Ennio Morricone. I detest the former and love the latter. I secretly - okay, openly - hoped that Maestro Morricone would slap Celine Dion squarely across the face when he walked past her. Can someone please explain the concept of phrasing to this woman? And for God's sake, can she buy some consonants to go with all those vowels??

That's it for this year! Now bring on the next slate of nominees!

Happy Gay High Holy Day!

I'll be attending an Oscars party tonight because, well, we're pretty much required to (it's in the Gay By-Laws). In all honesty I'm really looking forward to the party because it's a great bunch of people and I think a good time will ensue. One of the de rigeur activities at any Oscars party worth its salt is a pool for predicting the winners. I hold out little chance of winning, since I'm horrible at predicting Oscar winners (Reese Witherspoon?) and I've seen about four movies in the past year, including The Last King of Scotland last night (BTW - underwhelmed).

Here are my picks, both as on my ballot and my "fantasy" picks:

ACTOR - LEADING:
Forest Whitaker is my poll pick because the buzz is totally on him, and for the past few years this category's been pretty predictable. My fantasy? Hard to say since I saw none of the other nominated performances, but I heard great things about Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson

ACTRESS - LEADING:
This category is a bit dicier (again, Reese Witherspoon?), but I'm going with the safe bet of Helen Mirren. I mean, I love Meryl Streep, and hers is the only performance of the five that I actually saw, but come on. The woman won her only leading actress Oscar for Sophie's Choice, despite all the wonderful acting she's done over the years. I doubt Miranda will put her over the top for statuette number two. The darkhorse here is probably Kate Winslet, although I think the best competition for Helen will come from Penelope Cruz.

ACTOR - SUPPORTING:
I picked Eddie Murphy, again going with the safe bet. I would love to see Alan Arkin take it, but frankly I don't think it's gonna happen.

ACTRESS - SUPPORTING:
Have to support the hometown girl and pick Jennifer Hudson. See also the "safe bet" argument above. Loved Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine, but she's no Tatum O'Neal. (That's a good thing, folks.)

ANIMATED FEATURE:
This one is a real dilemma, because by all accounts at least two of these movies sucked wind, thus I'm going with Monster House because it (supposedly) sucked the least.

ART DIRECTION:
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Why? I don't know. I'd love to see The Prestige take this one, but I just remember that the last time a PotC movie was up it took a sizeable chunk of these awards.

CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Pan's Labyrinth. This movie has gotten such praise, and everyone that I know who's seen it has raved about it both as a movie and as a piece of visual artistry. I just don't see any of the others taking this award.

COSTUME DESIGN:
When in doubt, I always go for the period piece, so Marie Antoinette it is. I'd love to see The Devil Wears Prada take it, because it would be so campy.

DIRECTING:
The Departed is the heavy fave, so I think I'm gonna go with the word on the street and put my money behind Mr. Scorsese.

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE:
An Inconvenient Truth. My inconvenient truth? I've seen none of these, and this is the pick from the New York Times' Carpetbagger.

FILM EDITING:
I hate to be dismissive, but since I've seen none of these films I really can't make an educated guess. I'm gonna be boring and go with "B", which happens to be Blood Diamond, because I haven't picked a lot of "B"s yet. Hey, it worked for the SAT!

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM:
Pan's Labyrinth: the Times picked The Lives of Others but did heap heavy praise on all the nominees, implying that this is where the true battle for Best Picture lies.

MAKEUP:
Again I'm going period and picking Apocalypto. Perhaps Mel Gibson will arrive sober and carrying his shiny new ADL membership card.

ORIGINAL SCORE:
As a musician, it's so hard for me to pick this winner without having heard any of the nominees. Based on composers, I'd love for Gustavo Santoalla to win for Babel because I just adore his music. For the non-cognoscenti among you, he scored Brokeback Mountain, and won the Oscar last year for Original Score. Sadly, I doubt he'll win back-to-back, so I'm going to go with The Queen because, well . . . moving on . . .

ORIGINAL SONG:
With three songs nominated from Dreamgirls I'm going out on a limb and picking "I Need to Wake Up" from An Inconvenient Truth. I mean, it's Melissa Etheridge and it's a song from a documentary, for Christ's sakes! How off the wall is that? This one, incidentally, I'm pretty sure I'll get totally wrong.

BEST PICTURE:
I saw exactly one of these nominees, and I guarantee it's the one with the longest shot of winning: Little Miss Sunshine. Frankly, as much as I enjoyed it, Best Picture material it really ain't, so I'm again taking the "safe bet" cue and picking The Departed. And if it wins the gold it's supposed to win tonight, I think I am gonna have to put this particular film at the top of my Netflix queue.

SHORT FILM - ANIMATED
Oh, God, who in the Hell cares? I'll pick "C" - The Little Matchgirl.

SHORT FILM - LIVE ACTION
West Bank Story. Does Tony die at the end of this one, too?

SOUND EDITING:
Letters from Iwo Jima: Always pick the war film for techie sound awards.

SOUND MIXING:
Flags of Our Fathers: See above.

VISUAL EFFECTS:
Pirates. For the love of Pete, it's competing against Poseidon and Superman Returns. If either of those wins then I'll go and eat Kryptonite on a sinking cruise ship.

SCREENPLAY - ADAPTED:
I'm going out on a limb here and picking Notes on a Scandal, even though I think that Borat is the fan fave and The Departed is the street pick. What can I say, I'm just a born risk-taker.

SCREENPLAY - ORIGINAL
Little Miss Sunshine had better win this one, because it does deserve to walk away with something for being one of the most well rounded films to come down the pike in a while.

That's it! I'll post an update on Monday and let you know how I did in the pool. But for now, let's roll out the red carpet and let the trash talking begin!

We're Here, We're Anglican, Get Over It

When I scanned the front page of the New York Times on Tuesday morning, I was drawn to two articles because of their striking images. The first was at the bottom of the page:

This image features The Most Rev'd. Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury (right) and The Most Rev'd. Donald Mtetemela, Archbishop of Tanzania. The image accompanied a news story discussing the recent Anglican Primates Meeting in Tanzania. At this meeting, the majority of Anglican primates rebuked the Episcopal Church in the United States for their ordination of the Rt. Rev'd. Gene Robinson, Bishop of New Hampshire and for their continuing blessing of same-sex unions.

The second image that struck me, and frankly gave me a bit of an uplift, was this one:

These two ordinary guys in New Jersey are registering for a license to have their union recognized by the State of New Jersey, which on Monday became only the fourth state in the union to recognize either civil unions or same-sex marriage.

These images and their accompanying articles bring into peculiar relief the huge chasm that exists in the cultural attitudes towards homosexuality - or, more to the point, non-heterosexuality - between the United States and nations of the global south. The latter grouping includes the vast majority of the worldwide Anglican communion. Being so great in number and influence, the primates who lead the constituent churches of the Anglican Communion in the global south, especially in Africa and Southeast Asia, have this week stomped their feet once again to rebuke the Episcopal Church in the United States for promoting the utterly ridiculous idea that non-heterosexuals are fully realized members of the body of Christ.

There's been a smattering of comment on this week's meeting from many sources, most of it coming from jubilant conservatives within the Episcopal Church. And who can blame them? I mean, I could hardly wipe the smile off of my face on Nov. 8 last year. Throughout this three-and-a-half year ordeal since Gene Robinson's election was assented to by GenCon, there have been two clear and consistent messages. The first is that the Anglican Communion was committed to listening and discerning the best way forward such that all the different factions could remain in communion with each other. The second is that the conservative churches within the communion would accept nothing less than a full renunciation of Gene Robinson's election - and possibly nothing short of a defrocking - as well as a moratorium on same-sex blessings.

Well, folks, we've gotten none of the first and seemingly half of the second. Anyone care to place bets on how this is going to continue to play out?

I've spouted a lot about this particular insanity in private conversations, and frankly I'm sick of the sound of my own voice. I have too many other things going on in my life to expend any more energy fighting these ridiculous men, some of whom wouldn't even deign to celebrate communion with our Presiding Bishop, the Most Rev'd. Katharine Jefferts Schori. So much for everyone staying in communion; these guys won't even take communion with us, much less stay in communion with us!

I'm not a theologian. I'm a scientist and I'm a pragmatist (I'm sure one led to the other, but I'm not sure in which order). I therefore approach this situation from that perspective. Here's what I see: Clearly there are a good number of folks worldwide, within and without the Anglican Communion, who don't really desire to be in communion with me, or at least not the version of me that lives fully and proudly as a homosexual man. And here's what I'm left with: There is one and only one thing more important than maintaining the order and familial bonds of the Anglican Communion, and that is maintaining the full dignity and humanity of every member of the body of Christ. Frankly if surrendering my own sense of self-worth as well as the hopes, dreams and callings of the next generation of gay men and lesbians who wish to have their unions blessed by their church or who aspire to be priests and bishops is the price that has to be paid to remain in "full communion," then I say to Hell with it. Kick me out of the club.

But I will - and pay attention to this, kittens - I will still show up.

You can ex-communionize me and the Episcopal Church all you want, I'm not leaving. I'll be the one standing outside with the basket of muffins. (I mean, what is church without coffee hour treats?) I'll watch, and I'll pray, and I'll work towards the Millenium Development Goals and I will revel and glory in all the wonderment and grace that is God's eternal love for us as made manifest through His son, Jesus Christ Our Lord.

So just stick that in your miter and bless it.

Weight Tracker - Week 1

I stepped onto the scale this morning and was greeted by the loss of 1.5 pounds. Considering that I had a healthy Mardi Gras weekend (which means I ate like a condemned pig), this is encouraging! Here are the data:

As promised, there are no absolute weight values (yet). It's all about trend, folks!

For next week's update I'll have been back on my regimen for over a week. If things happen as they did the last time I got strict I expect to lose at least three pounds by next Friday. If I don't I won't be crestfallen, though. Between now and then I'll begin telling the story of my lifelong struggles with weight. But not today - I've gotta work for a living!

I Look Really Good for My Age

I decided to throw some fresh paint on the old blog since I'm shaking things up a bit. The first thing I did was upgrade to the "new" Blogger that is linked to my Gmail account. I guess it offers all sorts of new features and whoopdee-doo things (the details can be found here), and eventually as I have time (ha) I'll explore them and see just how big a waste of time they all are. Figuring I'd start small and then get progressively more daring, I thought it might be nice to try a new template. Certainly with the "new" Blogger there might be, oh, I don't know, new templates?

Apparently not.

Indeed, the same old templates that were around the last time I upgraded are still around. One day maybe I'll become proficient enough at web design to make my own template. For now, I've decided to choose something that fulfills the criterion of being different than what I had. We'll see how long it takes for me to grow bored with it.

Before I upgraded, I was warned that changes I'd made in my original template might be lost. I figured, no problem, I can always get those back. Sure enough, when I previewed the new page some things had been retained and others lost. And, yes, I was able to replace everything that was lost. When I checked out my profile, however, I was a bit taken aback by what I had lost there -- namely 217 years:


Yes, my friends, according to my profile, I'm 250 years old. But check out the picture -- I mean, am I holding up well or what?

I'm not sure how that happened, really. I assume it was a glitch with the upgrade to the "new" Blogger. Just to ease my mind, I think I'll call Satan, just to make sure I haven't forgotten about some pact I might have signed several years ago . . .

Tomorrow is the first weight update! I hope you're excited! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and make sure that I don't have any American flags tucked away that have only 13 stars and labels that say, "From the Workshop of Betsy Ross."

Weighed Down

I've been pretty silent on the blog for the past several months, primarily due to how busy I've been at work and with my other commitments. I've been particularly tired when I get home in the evening, and that's prevented me from becoming inspired enough to pop open the laptop and type up events from my day or opinions on current events. I feel no desire to fill this space with prattle. There are a few of you out there who read this, and I hate to disappoint.

It occurred to me recently that a big part of my fatigue has come from the fact that I haven't been treating myself very well for the past few months. I've put on a little weight (not much, less than 10 pounds) and I haven't been going to the gym nearly enough. This is a path I've traveled down before. I know I need to turn around, because I don't like the destination.

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the liturgical season of Lent. As Lent is a time of preparation, I'm going to use this time to prepare myself for living the remainder of my life as a healthier, more active person. I've already gone a long ways towards that goal -- I've lost in excess of 90 pounds in the past two years. I still have 40 pounds to go before I reach my goal, and it's been hard to push myself towards getting that last bit of weight off.

As part of my usual Lenten disciplines of abstaining from meat and alcohol and fasting once a week, I've added two more disciplines. The first is that I'm giving up watching all broadcast television. Since I don't have cable, this means pretty much all TV. I will still allow myself to watch DVDs. I will not allow myself to watch episodes of currently airing programs on the internet; that feels like cheating to me. I am also exercising my right not to observe this Lenten discipline on Sunday so that I can watch the Oscars. (Sundays are feast days and as such do not require adherence to Lenten fasts. Don't believe me? Look it up.)

The second part - and the part which involves you, dear reader - is that I am committing myself to losing weight during the season of Lent. Not eating meat or drinking alcohol will certainly help. However, I feel I also need a little culpability. That's where you come in. I am hereby committing myself to updating this blog at least once a week with information on my weight loss. Starting Friday I will post a graph charting my weight. Each week I'll post an updated chart so everyone can see how my weight is trending. Because I believe in a certain level of mystery I won't publish my actual weight. The important thing is that the trendline moves downward over successive weeks, not the actual values that the trendline represents.

I am also going to start writing a series of blog entries chronicling my weight loss for the past two years. If others enjoy reading this, or are even inspired to pursue weight loss or other personal improvements because of it, then I will be immensely flattered and grateful. That being said, I am primarily doing this for myself. I want to show myself how far I've come in this time, and to remind myself why I never want to go back to the physical form I had. It has been hard for me to appreciate how different I look now than I did when I started this trek in spring of 2005. I think this is a common problem amongst people who have poor body image, and I certainly count myself among that group. I'm pretty sure that even if my body were model perfect then I'd only focus on whatever imperfections, no matter how small, I could find. As part of my blog entries I'm going to publish some pictures of myself that have been taken over the past three years. Even I find the difference striking.

I wish everyone a blessed Lenten season in anticipation of the glory of Easter. Until then, I'll see you in cyberspace!